


can’t take my mind off of you, Mr. Steve Rogers

by DaydreamingFangirl



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angsty?, Anniversary, F/M, Past Relationships, cute fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-01-07 03:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18402590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaydreamingFangirl/pseuds/DaydreamingFangirl
Summary: What do you do when you're trying to move on from the love of your life but they just keep coming back?(Y/N) and Steve used to see each other but a lot has changed in the last few years, and despite everyone wanting them to get back together, maybe it just won't happen.Number 69. Annoyance in My 100 Theme Fanfiction Challenge (http://pies-wands-and-more.tumblr.com/post/123167855063/100-theme-fanfiction-challenge)Originally posted on my Tumblr: http://pies-wands-and-more.tumblr.com/post/184047983713/cant-take-my-mind-off-of-you-mr-steve-rogers





	1. Chapter 1

****(Y/N)’s fist clenched in annoyance as she sighed and sat back in her seat. Her eyes glared at the paperwork in front of her, wondering why no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t focus.

“Babe?” 

(Y/N) looked up and saw her boyfriend’s sympathetic face, and she offered a small smile, “Sorry, I just can’t focus tonight.”

“Something I can help with?” His quiet and innocent voice paired with his puppy dog eyes were sweet, but lately they both had been getting on (Y/N)’s nerves. He acted like this small child that she always felt the need to comfort and take care of. She wanted a companion, not a toddler. But maybe she was just being a bitch? 

“No,” she said flatly, getting up and grabbing her coat. “I’m gonna go for a walk, see if I can clear my head.” She leaned over the bed where he was lazing, kissing him on his cheek. 

“Text me if you need me!” He called after her as she hurried out the door. 

She liked him. She  _really_ did. He was great. He helped her out whenever she needed it, he was always there for her. But why was she feeling so...distant? Why did everything he do annoy the hell out of her? Going down the elevator, she looked down at her phone and stared at the date.

Two years ago, it would’ve been her anniversary. Not with this current boyfriend, they had barely been together for a year. With Steve. Mr. Gold Heart. Captain America. The man in red, white, and blue. 

Walking down the street, she spotted posters plastered everywhere for new Avengers toys, paired with photos from their latest televised battle with some alien. She groaned, feeling the pit in her stomach growing as she immediately found Captain America amongst the others on the poster.

Her mind drifted, thinking about this man who had capsulated her every thought.  _He still photographs well_ , she thought to herself, which just annoyed her further.  _Could he just stop being perfect for once?_

“(Y/N)?” A familiar voice called out and (Y/N) turned to see Bucky grinning at her. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N). Damn. Funny running into you,” he opened up his arms for a bear hug that (Y/N) couldn’t deny she’d missed.

“Good to see you, Buck!” (Y/N) smiled, squeezing him tight. “How’ve you been? Whatcha doing out here?”

“Been good! Honestly, I’m only out here cause I came to meet some of Fury’s guys. But the meeting finished way early and I thought I’d wander around.” Bucky smiled, taking her in. They hadn’t seen each other since her and Steve had parted ways. His eyes went to the poster she stood in front of and a smirk laid on his lips, “Admiring my incredible new arm?” He teased.

“Oh yeah, definitely,” she laughed, smiling up at him.

“Why don’t you come grab a coffee with me? Let’s catch up!”

(Y/N) had to admit, she saw that glint in his eyes that made her feel like there was more to this coincidental meeting than he let on. Though she didn’t really feel like having company right now, she agreed. It wasn’t every day she saw Bucky, plus she was really missing Steve today and maybe she could assure herself he was still okay.

To her dismay, when she asked, Bucky gave her a sad smile, “He ain’t okay, (Y/N), you should know that. With everything that’s been going on, he’s more stressed than ever.”

(Y/N) sighed, looking down at the coffee cup in her hands, “Yeah... Guess I kinda hoped he was just happy though.”

“I mean, normal days yea. Today, not so much, but for the life of me I dunno why. He kinda shut me out today.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Buck-” (Y/N) started, wanting to offer up an answer. But would it be selfish for her to assume it was because of her? Just because she was feeling this way doesn’t mean he would too. She glanced away, looking out the window they were sitting beside. “Maybe it’s just something about these months.”

Bucky stared at her for a moment, sipping his coffee slowly, “You too huh? Yeah I should’ve known. What is it? Your birthday?” He asked, nudging her leg under the table.

“Stop, you have no clue it’s about me and him,” she insisted, shaking her head. “And no, not my birthday. Our anniversary.” She quickly ducked her eyes from his, staring into her coffee. Bucky let out a low whistle in response.

“You guys would’ve been what? 3 years by now?” he asked, attempting to catch her glance again.

“Buck, I’m serious. It’s probably not even about me,” she insisted, exasperatedly. “I just... I’ve tried to move on, Buck, I have. But even when things are okay and fine they’re just-”

“Just  _okay_? Nothing better? Flatlined?” To her surprise, Bucky laughed a little, giving her his typical smirk. “He says the same things to me. Tried to go out with this girl that’s been working with SHIELD, told me that even though things were fine, he kept thinking about you.”

(Y/N)’s eyes wouldn’t let go of Bucky’s gaze. She was trying her hardest to find some sort of lie in his behaviour.”It was two years ago, Bucky... There’s no way he’s still thinking about me, we weren’t even serious! We had no label.”

“You’re still thinking about him!” Bucky argued back, touching her hand gently. “Maybe you guys weren’t planning on being serious, but maybe by this time you guys could’ve been. Besides, he fell damn hard. And I know you did too.”

Her fingers drummed on the table, letting out a huff, “He needs to find someone else. We agreed on no labels. I told him I was leaving and that it wouldn’t have worked-”

“But you guys didn’t even try. I know he wanted to. Did you?” He asked earnestly.

“At the time? Not really... What kind of girl wants to be put under scrutiny for being Captain America’s girlfriend? I just wanted to go off and be my own person, find out what the hell I’m doing with my life-”

“Have you?”

“You know me, Buck... I never wanted to make my life decisions based on someone else, especially not someone I was seeing casually. I wanted to go find where I was needed, do something that I felt like made a difference to someone-”

“But have you?” He asked again.

“Yes!”

“So if you found the thing that was holding you back from being something serious with him, why can’t you just get back together with him now?” Bucky asked, shrugging his shoulders like it was the simplest answer.

“Come on, you know it’s not that easy. Steve’s been through so much in the past couple of years, he’s probably like a whole new person. And so am I!”

“So then, go on real dates this time. Learn about each other again. Find that spark that’s still there. You love him and he loves you, so why wouldn’t it work out?”

(Y/N)’s cheeks flushed, shaking her head quickly, “I don’t-”

“You do, you liar.” Bucky laughed, raising an eyebrow at her. “And he loved you. Still does. He still keeps that cute Polaroid of you in his wallet.”

Her eyes furrowed at the mention of that horrid candid photo Steve had taken while she was laughing. She hated it but he thought it was the prettiest thing. No matter how hard she had begged him to get rid of it, he kept it like it was the only thing he had left. “How did you know about that?” She asked softly.

“It may or may not have been a big reason as to why he and his last girl broke up,” Bucky admitted, finishing off his coffee in a gulp. “She was not very happy about it.”

(Y/N) almost burst out laughing, thinking about the poor girl who had found her photo in Steve’s wallet. She couldn’t help but snicker thinking about the scenario and Steve’s innocent look as a furious girl shook this ugly Polaroid photo in his face.

“See? There’s the smile of a doll in love. Don’t think I don’t know it,” grinned Bucky, standing up and offering up his arm. “Come to the Tower with me. See him for yourself. It’s Pepper’s birthday and Tony’s throwing a huge party.”

(Y/N) laughed at the idea, shaking her head, “Tony’s throwing a big party? I’m not dressed for one of Tony’s parties.”

“Okay fine then. Go home, grab one of those gorgeous dresses I know you’ve got hidden away somewhere. I’ll come get you around 9?” He poked at her arm, waiting for an answer.

“Bucky-”

“Please? It would be good for both of you. Even if it’s just for closure,” he held his hands up in defence, smiling down at her.

She opened up her mouth, attempting to come up with a good argument, “My boyfriend’s waiting for me at home.”

“(Y/N) love, it doesn’t take a genius to see that you’re still lovestruck over someone. If that guy at home doesn’t see it and isn’t tormenting himself over it, you should leave him just for being that oblivious.” 

(Y/N) sighed, standing up and glancing at the time. “9 o’clock. Don’t be late, Barnes.” She grumbled, heading for the door.

“Never, ma’am!” He gave her a teasing salute as she left, making her shake her head. 

_What could Barnes be up to?_

* * *

_I think I'm going to make a part 2. Maybe more? Unsure yet, let me know what you guys think!_


	2. pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2!
> 
> 73\. I Can’t in My 100 Fanfiction Challenge 

 

(Y/N)’s boyfriend had left upset that she was going out. He had felt how distant she had been getting and knew from the dresses she pulled out that she was dressing to impress someone. 

“Will I see you later tonight?” he had asked, a hopeful look painted on with the puppy dog eyes to match.

“I think you should just go home,” she had answered, barely looking at him. “If I drink as much as I normally do at Tony’s parties, I might just stay at Stark Tower.”

With a half-assed kiss and hug, he left the apartment and a guilt loomed over (Y/N)’s head. She knew it wasn’t fair to drag him on like this, especially when she couldn’t deny how excited she was to see Steve.

But for all she knew, she was going to see him and she’d  _nothing_. So maybe it was beneficial for her current relationship to see Steve.  _Yeah_ , she convinced herself,  _this is honestly just to get him out of my head so I can continue on with my relationship_.

With that, she finally decided on a dress, feeling good in her own skin. She threw on an old movie onto her computer as she did her makeup and hair, goofing off while she waited for 9 o’clock to rolling around.

Minutes till 9, she slipped on her heels and declared herself confident in her outfit, when a knock came to the door. 

“I’m coming, Bucks!” She called, grabbing her purse and quickly opening the door as she passed it on her way to the kitchen. “Come on in! I just gotta grab the wine I got for Pepper!” She exclaimed as she bent down to grab it out of the fridge.

“(Y/N)?”

She froze in her steps, feeling her heart skip a beat. No way. Absolutely not.

 

* * *

 

 

“Damn (Y/N) you look great!” Bucky’s voice followed, and she whirled around to stare at the two men in form-fitting tuxedos in front of her, Steve staring right back. 

“Steve,” it barely left her lips as a whisper.

“ _Doesn’t she look great_ , Steve?” Bucky hissed through his teeth while elbowing his best friend in the ribs harshly, making the other old soldier wince slightly.

“Y-Ya gorgeous,” Steve seemed to lose his breath, his eyes locked onto her. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you- I thought we were picking up Bucky’s date?” Steve’s eyebrows furrowed in the serious manner they do.

(Y/N) felt her cheeks flush, barely able to comprehend what was being said as she glanced over Steve in his tuxedo. “S-Sorry what? Date?”

Bucky grinned, staring at the two of them looking dumbfounded at each other, “She  _is_  my date! Stark said to bring a cute girl, so I found the cutest one I know.”

“And that had to be (Y/N)?” Steve glared at him, arms folding over his chest.

(Y/N) let out a laugh, glancing at Bucky, “You never asked me to be your date, Bucks!”

“I was worried you’d say no,” he teased, winking at her.

“Hey! Watch who you flirt with,” Steve punched his friend’s arm in retaliation, glaring at him until (Y/N) broke the moment, giggles spilling from her lips. The boys stared at each other for a moment before joined the laughter. For a moment, it was like the past had caught up with them and they were back to normal.

“Come on, we’re late,” Bucky grinned, glad to see that how they once were was as easy to go back to as it was. (Y/N) locked eyes with Steve, and for a moment, she felt like it was back to normal too. Like nothing had changed. 

But it didn’t last long. The embarrassment of seeing Steve after so long settled in and (Y/N) began to avoid his eyes again.

As (Y/N) locked up, she could see in her peripheral vision Steve waving his arms around frantically, whispering frantically to Bucky.

“You know, I might not have super hearing, but I know when a conversation is about me,” she called out, glancing at the boys. Well. At Bucky. She couldn’t even glance in Steve’s direction without feeling her cheeks flush.

“Sorry, love,” Steve responded, almost out of habit. His ears started to turn red in realization before he quickly strutted over to the elevator.

“Love,” mouthed Bucky to her, grinning. “I told you, he needs this as much as you do.”

“Yeah, except  **I can’t**  look at him, and he can’t even talk to me proper!” hissed (Y/N) rolling her eyes. “I thought I was going to see him at the party, not in my apartment!”

“Eh, you were lucky. I was originally going to send just him to pick you up but I figured it might get awkward, so I came to save the day,”

“Yeah.  _Save_  it.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes, nervously digging her nails into her arm.

“Come on, (Y/N), the more awkward you two make it, the less you’ll actually get to catch up!” Buck insisted, giving her arm a nudge as they walked over the elevator. 

(Y/N) sighed and nodded. She knew she had to talk to him eventually. But by the time they made it down the elevator, into the car Tony sent for them, and got to the Tower, (Y/N) still couldn’t think of a way to start the conversation. And it seemed like Steve didn’t either.

“I’m going to get us some drinks. You two need alcohol to loosen up,” Bucky smiled at the two awkward human beings. (Y/N) noticed him give Steve a look before leaving and she laughed.

“What?” Steve asked curiously.

“Just...you two. I missed how problematic you two can be,” she admitted, stifling her giggles.

“Excuse you. How problematic  _he_ can be. None of this was my idea,” Steve insisted, but immediately bit his tongue. “Not that I didn’t  _want_  you here, it’s just that I didn’t know if I should contact you, I mean it’s been forever and today is supposed to be like every other day-” he rambled, nervously clenching his hands.

“Mr. Steve Rogers, are you nervous?” (Y/N) laughed as she watched his face turn red. He cleared his throat, eyes falling down to the floor.

“You’ve always made me turn into a mess, (Y/N). Nothing’s changed,” he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear it.

As much as she wanted to deny it, the butterflies in her stomach were very much real. Unsure of how to answer, she found herself wanting to change the subject but finding only one topic in her head, “So Bucky told me you were seeing someone? How is she?” She asked, realizing the terror in her voice as she wondered if they had gotten back together.

“Uh,” Steve grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, “She and I- well, we work together and things just got complicated-”

“You and I worked together and we were okay?” (Y/N) looked up at him, waiting for his eyes to meet hers.

“Yeah but you and I-” he stopped, staring at her for a moment.

“You and I what?” She whispered. The noise of the party ahead of them seemed to be so distant. All she wanted was for him to admit that he was in love with her, if he was at all.

“We-”

“Is that (Y/N)?!” The interruption caused the two of them to jump back nervously. (Y/N)’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Had they really been as close as she thought they were?

“Oop. Sorry, did I interrupt something?” Sam glanced between the two of them, keeping his wide grin on his face even with a glare from the Captain.

“It’s okay, Sam. How’ve you been?” (Y/N) smiled at her old friend, giving him a hug.

“Damn, (Y/N), you’re just trying to make us all miss you more huh?” Sam laughed, taking her hand and giving her a twirl so he could see the full dress. “You’re going to steal the attention from Pepper,” he teased, kissing her cheek happily. “We really have missed you out here.”

She laughed in response, giving him a playful push, "Yeah, I guess I’ve missed you too, Sam.”

With a grin to the two, Sam grabbed both of their arms and started to drag them into the party, “Are you guys just going to stand out here all night? Come on!”

The moment she stepped into the party, (Y/N) felt all eyes on her. Maybe it was because she was being dragged in by Sam, or because she was standing so close to Steve, or maybe because of what she was wearing. Or maybe it was just her imagination, she couldn’t tell. Soon, she was being pulled into different conversations, greeting all the people she had dearly missed since leaving the Tower.

“Lady (Y/N)! I cannot deny that I have missed your presence here,” Thor grinned, clapping his hand on her shoulder. “You look absolutely gorgeous tonight. No one in the Nine Realms could battle your beauty,”

“Damn, Thor, you’re really trying to sweeten me up huh?” (Y/N) laughed, touching his arm gently.

“Just hoping that we can convince you to stay!” He nodded, clinking his drink to hers as they took a gulp. “The Captain has not been the same since you departed,” he murmured to her softly before disappearing into the crowd, leaving (Y/N) to ponder his words. It went on like that for many different conversations, people asked if she was coming back and mentioned how everyone, with the most emphasis on Steve, really missed her.

Pepper was thrilled with the wine (Y/N) got her and after a hug and a thank you, disappeared to find some wine glasses. For the first time since she got to the party, (Y/N) was left by herself and given some room to breathe. She had to admit, she really did miss all of them. Where she was working now was great and all, but she missed being a part of this family.

As she walked around the party room, (Y/N) felt eyes following her. She finally spotted a group of people in the corner whispering about her, a blond girl in particular didn’t seem pleased to see her.

“Don’t worry about her,” came Nat’s comforting voice, “She’s upset cause Rogers hasn’t stopped staring at you since you left his side.” She smirked, giving you a quick hug.

“Hey Nat,” you smiled forcibly, glancing back towards the girl. “Is that her then? The one that Steve’s been seeing?”

“ _Saw_. Past tense. They got into major arguments leading up to their very dramatic breakup.” The redhead shrugged. “Speaking of Steve, I think your Captain’s waiting for you to get back on his arm tonight,” she whispered, pushing (Y/N) in his direction.

(Y/N) couldn’t deny she saw Steve’s eyes light up as she walked towards him, smiling sheepishly, “If looks could kill, I think I would’ve been killed, resurrected, and then buried alive,” she laughed, nudging her former companion. 

“What?” Steve frowned tightly at the mention of someone sending ill looks towards her, looking around the room until he found the subject. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry, that’s Sharon,” he mumbled, looking down at her.

“Oh  _Sharon_  hm?” She giggled, watching as he started to get embarrassed again. “How long did you guys see each other?”

“It was on and off, to be honest,” he shrugged, glancing in Sharon’s direction and seeing her flip her hair in his direction. 

“I heard she went through your wallet,” (Y/N) smirked, leaning against the wall nearby. 

Steve’s face flushed more than she had ever seen, muttering under his breath as he glared in Bucky’s direction, “I’m going to kill him...”

(Y/N) laughed, nudging him gently, “It’s okay. I just didn’t know you kept the photo after all these years,” she shrugged.

Steve was losing all words, he didn’t know how to tell her that he kept it because it was the only thing that kept him sane on hard missions. He didn’t know how to express to her that he couldn’t sleep at night without her beside him, that he hadn’t felt this sense of loss since he woke up from the ice. 

“Steve, are you alright?” she whispered softly, seeing how tormented he looked.

“I just- I want to tell you so many things but I get the feeling that you might not want to hear them,” he admitted, taking her hand into his. "(Y/N), I-” He stopped himself, as if remembering something. “I um- Bucky told me you’re seeing someone.”

(Y/N)’s lip was drawing blood from how hard she was biting it. She hadn’t expected Bucky to keep it a secret, after all it wasn’t one, but she didn’t think of talking about it with Steve. “Y-Ya. His name’s Travis, we uh- met a few months ago,” (Y/N) breathed out. 

Steve had seemed so close to telling her what she really wanted to hear. Her mind was convinced that if he just told her he still loved her, she’d forget everything else and be with him. But realistically, things were so much more complicated than that.

“Oh good, I’m glad you’ve found someone to make you  _happy_ ,” Steve cleared his throat, standing up a little taller. His voice sounded snide and his expression almost looked like pouting.

“Come on, Steve, you know it’s not like that.  _You_  made me happy,” she insisted.

“So happy you left-” Steve scoffed, clenching his jaw. It stung.

And with that, (Y/N) kept the pain of missing him mixing with the anger of his snarky comments, “I left because I wanted to do more things with my life, because I wanted to go  _be_  someone else than  _just_  Captain America’s girl or  _just_  a Stark Tower secretary!” 

“You weren’t  _just_  that to me! To any of us!” Steve’s growl of a response made (Y/N)’s skin crawl. He had this fire in his eyes as he glared at her but behind it, she could see the pain Bucky was talking about. “You were family.” His voice broke slightly and (Y/N) had to stop herself from reaching out to comfort him.

“I just wanted to go do something else-” she insisted earnestly.

“You  _left-_ ”

“How would it have worked?” She asked exasperatedly. “You’re away on missions all the time and when you’re not, you’re training or getting intel. If I wasn’t in Stark Tower, you’d completely forget about me!”

“Don’t you dare,” Steve’s voice deepened, leaning over her, his hand pressed against the wall behind her. “I would  _never_  forget about you. 2 years and I  _still_  haven’t forgotten about you.”

(Y/N) swallowed hard, keeping her gaze with the bright blue eyes above her. “I wanted to be something else and when I told you I was leaving and I wasn’t sure if it would work between us, you didn’t argue. You just let me walk out without telling me how you felt and let me believe that you didn’t think it would work either.”

Steve’s gaze faltered after that, jaw clenching. “I-”

“We were just casually seeing each other. You never once asked to make it something serious, and maybe I didn’t either. But you used to mention to me all the time that you’d never have anything serious again after Peggy. Then when I told you I was leaving, you never asked to keep me around, you didn’t visit, you didn’t call, you didn’t  _do anything._ I figured it meant you didn’t care enough to make it something serious or at least try.” Her voice was cracking as she held back the tears forming in her eyes. 

Steve was once again, lost for words, He couldn’t express everything he wanted to and every time he opened his mouth to speak, he forgot how to word it. 

" **I can’t**...I need to go home,” (Y/N) finally whispered, turning her back to him and quickly heading for the door. Slipping through the crowd, she forced herself to not turn back, even when she heard Steve’s desperate calls of her name as he ran after her.

She hopped into the nearest one of Tony’s cars and demanded for the driver to take her home. She beat herself up mentally for not drinking more when she had the chance. Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten so upset. Maybe she could’ve let her wall down and told Steve how she felt. Maybe the next day, she could’ve forgotten what had happened tonight.  _What was I thinking was going to happen_? She wondered to herself, getting angry with how foolish she was for coming at all. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

## I may or may not have started a part 3... ;) let me know what you guys think :) 


	3. Chapter 3

(Y/N) had fumbled so long with her keys, vision blurring with tears but she swore she could keep it together until she got inside. Her keys and frustration were making so much noise, it wasn’t surprising that one of her neighbours cracked a door open and called out to see if she was okay.

“I-I’m fine!” She called back to the old lady, shoving herself into her apartment and slamming the door behind her. Her back felt the cool sensation of the door and she allowed herself to slip down to the floor, tears streaming.  _Maybe I just needed a good cry. Haven’t had one of those since-_  she frowned tightly to herself.  _Since I left Steve._

“ _I’m fine,”_  she whispered to herself again, sniffling. She grabbed a new box of tissues and tore her dress off, throwing it to the floor where she could avoid looking at it. 

Scrubbing her makeup off and throwing on some old pyjamas, she finally thought she had calmed herself down.  _Nothing was going to happen anyways, you guys were casual. Of course he wouldn’t develop feelings over that_.

She sighed, plopping down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling,  _But then again... why would he get so upset that you left if he thought it was just casual?_

An hour disappeared quickly as she dodged texts and calls from the others. They all wanted to know if she was okay, most of them mentioned that Steve wasn’t. But she couldn’t think about that now. She wanted to move on years ago.  **This was her moving on.**

But before that plan could even go into action, there was a loud pounding at the door and voices were heard from the hallway.

“(Y/N)!” Steve yelled, hammering his fist into the door.

“Steve, if she didn’t want to talk to you at the party, what makes you think she wants to talk to you now?” Bucky hissed from just outside the door.

(Y/N) could picture the glare the two of them were giving each other, “I don’t care,” Steve claimed, shaking his head. “I need to make sure she’s okay. I let her get away from me once. It won’t happen again.” He seemed to turn his attention back to the door because his voice was louder and clearer this time, “Unless you come out and look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, I won’t leave.”

She bit her lip, holding her knees close to her chest. He was here. 

Her phone buzzed and she glanced at the screen,

**Bucky: I’m sorry, Sam and I tried to hold him back. Even Thor helped. But after we let go, he slipped away and ran here.**

Her heart broke, thinking about this all America soldier who ran across the city to come find her. 

**(Y/N): I don’t know if I can talk to him right now. What’s the point? I don’t think i can do another casual relationship with him.**

**Bucky: If you think this is how a guy reacts when he wants a CASUAL relationship, I’ve got news for you.**

“(Y/N), please,” Steve begged from outside in the hallway. “I’ll stay out here all night if you want me to. But just say something to me.” He leaned his head on the door, heart thumping against his chest.

(Y/N) stared at her phone, hearing the soft voice of the man she loved outside the door. Her heart was breaking just hearing it. She sighed, typing in her replies to Bucky.

**(Y/N): Bucks, go home.**

**Bucky: You sure?**

**(Y/N): Ya.**

With that, Bucky slipped away. Steve didn’t even notice, he was too busy muttering his apology to the door in the hopes that (Y/N) could hear him.

“If you’re leaning on the door, you better move or else you’ll fall right in when I open it,” came (Y/N)’s soft voice. Steve jumped back, eagerly waiting to see her again.

The door creaked open and the two barely moved. Both thinking that if they moved too quickly, the other might run off.

“Come in,” she mumbled, walking back to her couch and wrapping herself up in a blanket.

“(Y/N), please just listen,” Steve exclaimed earnestly, kneeling down near the couch and touching her hand gently. “I-”

“What happened to not wanting anything serious? What happened to keeping things casual? I spent all that time thinking that you wanted something casual because you could never see yourself with me like you could with Peggy,” (Y/N) started, her voice was soft and she was staring at her hands rather than at him.

Steve felt his heart drop in his stomach. There she was, the girl that hadn’t left his mind for the past 2 years, and she thought he couldn’t imagine a life with her. Had he really been so bad at showing his affection? Why had he not confessed to her sooner?

“I won’t deny what I said before,” he told her, brushing her hair out of her face. “When we first started seeing each other, I still thought I’d never be in love ever again. But being with you, doll, those were the best months of my life. You give me a reason to fight. After Peggy, I thought all I had left was old memories. I stared at the past as if it could come back. But you- you make me want a future. I don’t wish for the past anymore. I just wish for you.”

(Y/N) fidgeted under his gaze, “It’s not that simple anymore, Steve. It’s not like we can just be together now. Travis and I... we were doing okay.” 

“I know,” he responded quickly, not wanting to pressure her into anything. “I just don’t want you to go on with your life thinking I don’t care about you. That I don’t love you. I know I’m saying it too late. I know it’s selfish of me to say it now that you’ve moved on. But I need you to know it.”

She paused, and looked up at his earnest blue eyes. How could she deny the fact that she dreamed about those eyes for so long? That she thought about him every day.  **She never could take her mind off of him** , it was like magnets. Anytime she tried to think away from him, he just pulled her right back in.

Her lips parted to give him a response, but there were so many things on her mind. He had said everything she wanted him to say... so why was she feeling like something was holding her back?

“I can’t ask you to leave him for me. I’m sure it’s so much easier dating a civilian. Not having to worry about the stuff that goes on outside, not having to worry if he’ll keep his promises about making it back in time for a date or an anniversary,” Steve admitted, eyes dropping to the ground. “You should be happy and live the life you wanted to live. I just- I can’t get over you knowing that you might still love me too,” he whispered.

For a moment, there was just silence. (Y/N) watched as he stared into the ground, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few days. 

“What if I did?” Her voice was quiet, Steve almost thought he imagined it. “Love you, that is...”

“Then I’ll wait for you. Forever if I have to,” Steve felt hope building in his chest.

The two of them sat together, the only sounds left were the wind blowing outside and (Y/N)’s soft sniffles. “I-I can’t make these kinds of decisions so quickly,” was the first thing she said after a long time. “I need to think.”

Steve nodded quickly, clasping one of her hands in his, kissing it gently, “Take all the time you need, doll. I’ll wait if you want me to.”

“I do,” she whispered, eyes taking in this moment because she knew it was fleeting. 2 years of staring at pictures online, posters plastered everywhere, imagining what they’d say if they finally saw each other again and here he was. Suddenly the decision didn’t seem so easy anymore. 

Morning came quicker than they both wanted. The two sat on the couch, catching up on everything that had happened in the past years. 

He made her laugh. Really laugh. The can’t-stop-tears-in-the-eyes-cheeks-and-stomach-hurting kind of laugh. She missed it. 

By the time they realized the sun was rising, (Y/N) felt guilty having him leave but Steve insisted, “I don’t want to bother you anymore than I have. I know you want to take time to think, so take some time, doll,” he explained, kissing her forehead. “Besides, coming home this early is already going to be annoying to explain to Bucks and Sam,” he laughed. 

(Y/N) watched as he threw his shoes back on and grabbed the door handle, “I hope you don’t doubt it anymore, (Y/N).” 

“Doubt what?”

“How much I love you,” and with a smile and a wave, he left. (Y/N) felt the smile that had been stuck on her face the whole night fade slowly as she remembered the reality she had to face. 

* * *

Steve’s first plan was to sneak into the complex quietly, in hopes that Dumb & Dumber wouldn’t find out he had only arrived home now. To his dismay, the two of his friends were waiting in the kitchen for him, which was too close to his room for him to slip by quietly. 

Next plan, just lie. Say he had gone out for a run early this morning and they hadn’t noticed he got back late last night. But he was wearing the suit and tie from last night still...so that wouldn’t work. 

Maybe he could just stay quiet. It’s not like they’d be able to get it out of him right?

But the moment he walked into the complex, Sam and Bucky gave him cheeky grins like they already knew what happened.

“ _(Y/N) and Steveee, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-_ ” Sam started quietly.

“Shut up,” Steve rolled his eyes but gave a small grin. 

“So what happened?” Sam asked early, raising his eyebrows playfully.

“Nothing, we talked,” Steve said quickly.

“About?” Bucky pressed with a smirk.

“Life in the 2 years we hadn’t see each other,” He shrugged in response, walking towards his room in hopes that they would leave him alone. But when would they ever? The two followed him, poking his shoulders playfully.

“And?” Sam continued, grinning ear to ear now.

“And what?” Steve asked exasperatedly. “Nothing happened, guys, I’m serious! We just... talked.” Steve’s eyes fell onto his hands as he fumbled with his keys, trying to push the smile that was tugging on his lips down.

The boys grinned as Steve slammed the door in their faces, both having caught the  _head-over-heels_  look on Steve’s face.

The next two weeks were hard though. Steve had tricked himself into thinking that after seeing (Y/N), everything would fall into place and be picture perfect. Even though they texted often enough, (Y/N) even confiding with him about how the breakup with Travis went ( _not well, if you were wondering_ ), Steve felt lonely without her in the complex. It wasn’t like they didn’t try to see each other, but every evening she was off work, Steve had some sort of thing to do for Fury. Every weekend Steve was available, some emergency called her back into work.

(Y/N) had brought it up playfully, saying that fate really didn’t want them to be together. Steve clenched his phone a bit tighter, hearing the playfulness in her voice shielding her worry that it was true.

Finally, Steve had had enough. He thought back to the moments where he started to get feelings for Peggy. He knew everyone always thought they had time. But time was never a given. 

“And where in the hell do you think you’re going?” Fury asked with a tight frown as Cap stood up in the middle of a meeting.

“Out.” Steve answered simply before leaving the board room, everyone calling after him. 

He grabbed one of Tony’s cars, speeding more than he’d admit towards the other side of town. He parked hurriedly (and really badly) before running up the steps of (Y/N)’s work building. 

There she was. Looking absolutely stunning. For a split second, he forgot what he was doing there and just stared. She was talking to one of her coworkers, thinking to herself about a bunch of projects going on. There was a girl beside her, asking questions and taking notes according to everything (Y/N) was saying.

“Um. Sir?”

Steve jumped slightly at the voice, looking to find an older woman tapping him on the shoulder. “Do you have an appointment? The waiting room is over there,” she pointed.

“Steve?” The two of them looked over in her direction, a confused but happy look on the girl’s face. “What are you doing here?” She asked with a laugh. “Thanks, Tasha, I got this,” she said, taking Steve’s arm and bringing him over to her office space.

“Hi,” he breathed, grinning so wide his cheeks were hurting.

“Hi?” she giggled, fixing his slightly messy hair. “Anything else to add? You interrupted my work day to say hi?”

“I uh-” Steve bit his lip, realizing he didn’t really prepare what he was going to say. “I don’t want to be bleeding out on a mission one day and realize I didn’t get to be with you as much as I want to be.” He admitted, touching her hand gently. “I don’t want one of us to get into an accident or have to move away without us being...us. I’ve already asked Fury to keep me on important cases only. I’ll let someone else do the rest of the work, I’d rather spend my time with you.”

“Steve-” She stared, a blush creeping on her face. “You could’ve waited till after I was done work.”

“I learned a long time ago that sometimes waiting isn’t the answer,” he whispered, tilting her chin up and kissing her, squeezing her hand.

All the gossip magazines barely scratched the surface when they talked about kissing Captain America. It was more than just breathtaking, in the moment it was just perfect. It was their first kiss in 2 years and (Y/N) couldn’t figure out how it felt like a completely new experience but like something so well known as the same time.

“Um (Y/N)?” 

The two jumped apart, (Y/N) blushing so hard you could probably see it from outside. “U-Uh Janet, sorry, I was coming right back out.” She stammered, stifling a giggle. “You’re making me become very unprofessional at work, Steve,” she hissed, rolling her eyes playfully.

Steve smirked in response, turning to the girl who had just walked in, “Janet? Nice to meet you, I’m Steve.”

“OH I know,” Janet laughed, winking at (Y/N). “She talks about you often. I’m glad to hear that you’ll be able to be together more often now.”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, turning to (Y/N) who was aggressively waving for Janet to stop talking before Steve caught her eye. “What’s she talking about?”

“I’m sorry!” Janet bursted out, eyes wide. “I thought you had already told him! You told me yesterday-”

“I was  _going_  to tell him yesterday,” (Y/N) laughed, grinning wide as she squeezed Steve’s hand. “But he got so busy I didn’t get the chance.”

“Tell me what?” He frowned, looking at her curiously.

“Well. Tony’s being such a baby about not having me around at the complex. He insisted that there be some sort of merger between Stark Industries and my work here. I’ll be doing the same work I’m doing here, along with some work with Tony and Pepper, but at the complex,” she admitted slowly, tucking a hair behind her ear as she explained it. “I told him that I missed being a part of the family. And that I missed being able to see you.”

Steve couldn’t help himself. Heart racing, eyes lit up, nothing could stop him. He picked her up and spun her around with a grin, kissing her eagerly. “Fuck I love you,” he whispered with a grin. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret letting you go the first time. Every day, I was thinking about you. I couldn’t tear my mind off of you ever. Be mine? Officially?”

_**“Always.”** _

* * *

_(omg i can’t believe i did my first series thing. Let me know what you guys think! Sorry for the long wait for the update - life gets so busy so quickly :) Pls reblog and share with friends!)_

_(Also if you’re looking to request a fic, please send me a DM on Tumblr (pies-wands-and-more) or comment on here! I’d love to try to get back into writing more and need some ideas!)_


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